It's very interesting moving back into a room each fall. Aside from the sheer logistics of box retrieval (which is a bit insane in and of itself), I find myself looking through the things I ended up packing from the end of last year and figuring out why I packed them. Some of the items I can trace back to the very beginning of freshman year, when I arrived on campus a bit unsure of what direction my life would take at that point. The variety of items spans from mundane FOOT equipment i'm oddly fond of to notes, letters, and fuzzies from when I left for college. All of it makes me feel old, thinking that those times were so long ago, so far removed from where I am now. Not that I don't necessarily still greatly cherish them (because on the whole I do, even the crazy bits), but they were from a time long past and a somewhat different person. The depth and variety of experiences I've shared over the course of my time in college still boggle my mind. I still can't believe at least half of what I've been a part of, it seems like I've been all over the place, experiencing everything. And yet here I am now at perhaps the most significant crossroads of my entire life.
This year is very important in a number of respects, some less apparent than others. At the forefront are my duties and obligations, including taking care of freshmen and getting my academics in order. Also among these duties I'm starting the process of rebuilding/revitalizing the somewhat defunct club lacrosse program here. And further back, yet still oh so very apparent is the need to determine my path down life. This year will determine what I do for the next 10 years at least, whether I decide to stick to solely a Ph.D. and hope it can get me everything I want and that I'll still be successful with it, or whether I take the next few years to prepare and apply for an MD/PhD program, or whether I should take advantage of the opportunities available and attend a good clinical psych grad school and follow up with an MD in a foreign country...The sheer enormity of this decision intimidates me and causes me to pause, for once, and really consider what I'm doing. It's made me more aware of how I've spent my time at school and more conscious of the fact that I'm very much on my way in life and need to determine a course or else I'll go nowhere. It used to be so simple. But as always, with more knowledge comes more questions. And so a PhD doesn't readily satisfy me anymore.
Part of me wishes I were back in the days of high school so that I could enjoy my time leisurely while part of me doesn't want to be anywhere but here. Enjoy it while you can kids. Somehow time has a knack for sneaking up on you and surprising you with a nice you-must-decide-your-future-or-you-shall-l